| Today you are you, that is truer than true. There | | | | TV show where the audio doesn't match the |
| is no one alive who is you-er than you -Dr. Seuss | | | | video and the mouths move moments before the |
| There is something about the end of a year that | | | | actual words come out. Timing is everything. |
| causes one to look to the past and try to find | | | | We'd talk about our mutual interests of course, |
| meaning in the time that's already gone by. | | | | our darling baby grandson and why See's candy is |
| Perhaps it helps us prepare for the future, or | | | | the only chocolates worth eating. I'd hope I |
| reassures as that we have done more than | | | | wouldn't be too pushy with my opinions, and I |
| breath, eat and sleep for the past twelve months. | | | | might play devil's advocate just to see how I |
| It's a time for reflection and self-evaluation. | | | | respond when someone disagrees with me. Of |
| The main problem I find when trying to analyze | | | | course, I'd probably see right through that ploy, |
| my life, is that I'm doing it from the confines of | | | | but still it would be fun to try. |
| my own head. This is certainly a biased angle, but | | | | Maybe we'd check out the handsome waiters, |
| it's the only perspective I posses. | | | | and reminisce about how young we use to be. |
| I wrote a book one time where the main | | | | Would I agree with myself that we still feel |
| character dies during the first chapter, and I tried | | | | twenty deep, deep inside where no one can see? |
| to imagine what it would look like to see myself | | | | And would we both cringe at that embarrassing |
| from the perspective of a detached spirit. Would I | | | | thing we did when we were single and still chasing |
| recognize my own body from that angle? And | | | | boys? |
| would that slack muscle thing that comes after | | | | I hope I'd be polite, and even though I already |
| death causing the body to cave in slightly make | | | | know all my stories by heart, I'd listen to them |
| identifying my lifeless corpse even more | | | | again without interrupting and smile and nod in all |
| challenging? | | | | the right places. I'd like myself more that way I'm |
| Having never died, I can't really say for sure, but I | | | | sure. And I'd offer to pick up the bill, even though |
| assumed that seeing myself dead on the ground | | | | I know I would never allow myself to pay for me |
| would be a somewhat surreal experience. And not | | | | and we'd end up splitting the bill. |
| one that I would be drawn to fantasize about. But | | | | As I sat across from myself, could I offer honest |
| what if I could meet myself alive, perhaps sit | | | | constructive criticism of how I could be a better |
| across the table at an Applebee's, share an | | | | person, and would I be able to take it in the spirit |
| appetizer and make conversation. Now that would | | | | it was meant? Or would I find it hard to be |
| be an experience worth imagining indeed. | | | | truthful about my weaknesses and get defensive |
| Would I see myself, the way I look in the | | | | when I brought it up? |
| bathroom mirror lit by those special bulbs that | | | | When it was time to leave, I think I'd be sad |
| make your skin glow like a twenty-year-old girl in | | | | about the separation, until I remembered that it's |
| love, or would the multiple layers of chin that I try | | | | me, and we're always together. And then I would |
| not to notice each morning as I brush my hair, | | | | be glad to know I always have someone with me |
| leap out like a crumpled paper bag around my | | | | who totally understands how I feel. |
| neck? | | | | So the next time I got too hard on myself or |
| I hope I'd like my smile or the way I try to look | | | | became internally abusive, I could remember what |
| attentive when someone else is speaking. No | | | | a great person I am and how much fun I am to |
| doubt we would both laugh at the same funny | | | | be with, and I'd realize I need to treat myself |
| stories, and that's important. I once quit dating a | | | | with kindness and patience. |
| young man because it took him nearly thirty | | | | And every now and then, I should meet myself |
| seconds to get my jokes and another ten to | | | | for lunch. |
| come up with a polite laugh. It was like watching a | | | | |