| The scene: a hip and fashionable downtown | | | | not about me. |
| restaurant. A high-ranking manager of a | | | | Now that I'm older and wiser, I would choose a |
| technology company and several of his team | | | | different reaction to my boss' words. Instead of |
| members are enjoying lunch together to celebrate | | | | turning his remark inward and taking it personally, |
| the team's recent achievement. As the | | | | I can now see that his remark is coming directly |
| conversation veers off onto casual topics, one of | | | | from his lens or perspective of the situation. Here |
| the employees excitedly explains about a new | | | | are the steps that I would now take in this |
| start-up company to which her cousin was named | | | | situation. |
| president, ending with, "Wouldn't you just love to | | | | The "Take Nothing Personally" Process: |
| be in her shoes?" | | | | - Stop the knee-jerk reaction: As with most |
| The boss turns to her and says, "You wouldn't | | | | processes, the first step is the most difficult but |
| love that - you'd hate it. You wouldn't be | | | | the most important. To stop a knee-jerk reaction |
| comfortable as an entrepreneur." The | | | | requires a high level of self-awareness -- in other |
| conversation stops briefly as all heads turn to see | | | | words, we need to be aware of our reaction in |
| how the employee reacts to the boss's cutting | | | | the moment in order to stop it. Fortunately, we |
| remark. "Hmmm," said the employee slowly, | | | | can learn to be aware of our reactions by |
| "That's an interesting observation." The lunchtime | | | | habitually taking a breath before responding to |
| chatter quickly turns to another topic. | | | | every situation. Adopt a mental image of yourself |
| Take nothing personally -- this is easier said than | | | | as calm and serene in the midst of adversity, |
| done. The employee in the scenario described | | | | which will help you to pause when you are being |
| above was me, and the conversation took place | | | | triggered by someone's remarks or actions. |
| many, many years ago. I wish I could say that I | | | | - Pause. The best way to keep from taking it |
| didn't take the boss's remark personally, but | | | | personally is to redirect your mental energies |
| honestly, I did for a while. What I realize now is | | | | from the emotional brain to the logical brain. Count |
| that the boss was speaking from his own | | | | to ten -- backwards and in French! -- is a great |
| perspective, emotions and needs. His opinion of | | | | way to divert your mind to its analytical, rather |
| my abilities was colored by his own "stuff." | | | | than emotional, functions. |
| Each of us views life through completely different | | | | - Say to yourself, "That's one person's opinion." |
| lenses -- it is as if we each wear a different pair | | | | Remind yourself that the person is speaking or |
| of glasses that allow us to focus differently, to | | | | acting from a viewpoint that encompasses their |
| block out certain information and to interpret | | | | emotional memories, needs and personality. It has |
| events in a singular way. We take in and process | | | | nothing to do with you, and everything to do with |
| information through our unique lenses, which | | | | them. Without judgment, you might try to |
| restricts us to acting solely out of our own | | | | imagine what might cause them act or speak as |
| perspective. These lenses are colored by our | | | | they did. |
| personalities and our talents, which were | | | | - Take care of yourself. You might affirm |
| developed during our formative years. The lenses | | | | yourself by saying, "I know I am a capable, |
| also reflect our current needs and our previous | | | | intelligent person." You might remember a time |
| experiences, especially if they were negative, | | | | when you were completely happy or proud of |
| emotionally-charged events. The brain stores | | | | yourself - we call this a "positive anchor". You |
| emotional memories so they can be accessed in a | | | | might call your partner, best friend or Mom and |
| nanosecond, causing us to react in a knee-jerk | | | | ask them for a pep talk -- and bask in their love. |
| fashion that has little to do with the present | | | | Taking nothing personally will lighten the emotional |
| situation. | | | | and spiritual burden you carry. It will also improve |
| The boss's words to his employee in the | | | | your interpersonal relationships. Imagine the |
| lunchtime conversation were filtered through his | | | | possibilities of a frictionless, productive workplace |
| lens of needs, personality and emotional | | | | created by a team that works under the motto |
| experiences. I cannot accurately guess what that | | | | of "Take nothing personally!" What a wonderful |
| lens was, but I know now that it was about him, | | | | place that would be. |